Dear Friends,

                 My blog has moved to www.beefblogonoff.com  Please bookmark and visit my new home on a regular basis. No gifts are required, although a cheesecake from Veniero's Bakery is not a bad idea. Blogger has been very good to me, but it's time to move out and get a place of my own. Sure the rent is high, but there's more disk space for the beefalo to roam.                                    
                                                                                        Yours truly,
                                                                                         Beef Blogonoff

Well give me a domain, with a URL I can name, and
the size of the storage is OK.

Vote with your feet

King Abdullah has granted Saudi women the right to vote*. This was probably the result of the many protests that have taken place in the Middle East recently. Unfortunately it is still illegal for women to drive which means they will be walking to the polls. This strange ruling is based on the belief that single women who drive may come into contact with mechanics and policemen and might be enticed into committing fornication. They are probably right considering how many women have lost their virginity parked on lovers lane. It also explains why I found grease and empty donut boxes in the back seat of my wife's car.

Only 20 more miles to the poll booth.

http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/world/la-fgw-saudi-arabia-women-vote-20110926,0,7986169.story?track=rss

Romeo and Monkeo

What would happen if you had millions of computerized monkeys banging the keys of virtual typewriters for 13 billion years? One scientist says they will have written the complete works of Shakespeare*. The "Infinite monkey theorem" had once been used to support evolution. In other words the same principle of random events could eventually produce life. But if the universe is only 13-14 billion years old as scientists believe, and life is much more complex than Shakespeare's works this proves the mathematical impossibility of life occurring by natural processes**. Apparently evolution has made a monkey of Darwin, not the other way around.

Can writers block last 13 billion years?

*http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2042225/Has-team-monkeys-finally-written-complete-works-Shakespeare.html
** Evolutionists cannot agree on a mathematical probability for the origin of life.

Hey buddy, can you spare a job?

While unemployment is over 9% it may seem inappropriate to condemn those who are serious about fixing the problem. However, while protesting at Wall Street is a constitutional right I'd like to offer some tips.

1) Carrying signs that say "Capitalism Sucks" doesn't help. Just ask the unemployed in any Communist country.
2) Don't get arrested! Getting a job is hard enough without you assaulting an officer and having a rap sheet.
3) Don't get videotaped destroying private property. I don't know why, but employers frown on that sort of thing.
4) Don't attack C.E.O.'s at their home, and kidnap their children. Unless you want a job at the prison laundry.




This guy is hoping for an E.M.T. job

Fast and Furious

In 1905 the theory of special relativity proposed that nothing could travel faster than the speed of light. That sounded reasonable considering the Wright brothers first flight in 1903 clocked in at 6.8 m.p.h., and the Ford Model T had a top speed of 45 m.p.h. Now researchers at the CERN lab have claimed they have recorded neutrinos travelling faster than 186,282 miles per second*. We are a nation obsessed with breaking speed records, and I can imagine NASCAR aficionados throwing tailgate parties around a particle accelerator while neutrinos accelerate faster than the speed of light. In fact it is not much different than a typical car race as both feature high speed projectiles, and explosions from matter colliding. Besides, the heat generated by smashing atoms means you could cook a slab of ribs faster than Dale Earnhardt Jr. crossing the finish line. Just perfect for that pre-race laboratory lot barbecue.

Red neck particle accelerator

   *http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/science-news/8783011/Speed-of-light-broken-by-scientists.htm                                                                        

Next stop, nowhere

On 9/22 President Obama said "We're the country that built in the inter-continental railroad"*. I honestly have never heard of it, and wondered to which continent does it go. Considering the poor on time record of Amtrak it may be that it's just been delayed. I thought the mathematical formula of speed x time = distance may hold the answer, but it's more likely that I was waiting at the train station when my inter-continental ship came in.

Update: During his campaign for President, Senator Obama said "I've been in 57 states"*. The inter-continental railroad might be leaving from one of the states I've never heard of.

  

Damn I've got to be in Europe by Monday

*http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/washington/2011/09/obama-gaffe-jobs-act-speech-brent-spence-bridge-ohio.html

Stimulating talk

There is a saying that "a politician and our money are soon parted". Let's look at some provisions of the stimulus plan, and see how those fools waste our tax dollars.
$866,000. to figure out how to control flies in a stable. Haven't they ever heard of tails? Animals have been swatting flies off their asses successfully for centuries.
$951,500 for streetlights in Detroit. Thanks to all the boarded up, foreclosed homes the drug addicts need lights to see where they can score crack at night.
$476,000 for a museum to teach children how to fly. How about a museum to teach pilots how to fly instead? Two Northwest pilots flew 1+1/2 hours past the airport before realizing it.
$465 million for a F-136 jet engine. C.B.S. news claimed "it was not necessary and not affordable". How could an engine not be necessary for a jet? Because it already had one that worked!
$95 million dollars to research wood. I thought they figured that out years ago. No new products were developed. I guess they can use all the excess wood to make ventriloquist dummies. Hey George trim those damn fingernails!


Statistics provided by Citizens Against Government Waste http://www.cagw.org/